(Note: This post is not directed at any specific person, or event. The examples used are very generic ones.)
Today, I'm going to write about a "general phenomenon".
I think this is probably something that everyone can relate to...
Which Side Are You On?
Are you the kind of person that always look for other people, or the one that wait for others to look for you? Do you always "jio" people to do something, or you wait for people to "jio" you?
Well, I think most of us are a little bit of both (depending on the parties you're dealing with).
...
For this post, I'll make use of the "asking someone out" example since it's something everyone can relate to. But really if you think about it, this is applicable to many situations where one side takes the initiative to ask the other to do something.
Nevertheless... I'll just share mys thoughts on this...
And the BIG QUESTION:
Where is the line where "taking the initiative" becomes "being a nuisance"?
Crossing The Line
Let's say there's a person, you always attempt to "jio" him to come out. Then almost everytime you will get reject, or he fails to replies, he goes missing in action, or come up with lame excuse, etc... etc...
Sooner or later, there will come a point where you will ask yourself, "He probably doesn't like me", "He don't like this activity that I jio him to participate in" or "His personality is just like that" and most importantly...
It may come to a point where you'll feel, "He probably thinks I'm a nuisance".
Now,
Try putting yourself in his position:
Every so often, this person comes up and ask me to do something that I don't want to do. Even after rejecting him a few times, he still ask me continuously. Now there is 2 stages here, from "positive" feelings to "negative":
The first stage is "Oh, I really appreciate that he invites me to do this and this with him. He treats me as a friend".
Now there are many reasons why you reject him. Most of the time, I don't think it's because you dislike the person or what. It's probably that you are just NOT interested in whatever he's 'jio-ing' you to do. Like he ask you to go watch a movie, but you are too broke. Or he ask you to go jump parachute with him (every week) but you're just not a adventurous person.
...
So, at what point in time does this "good appreciation positive gesture" becomes...
"Oh man! Not this guy again. Everyday ask me do this...."
When You Stop Asking
Ok, now back to the position of being the "initiator".
Most of the time, once you take the initiative and got rejected a certain number of times, you'll stop asking this person to come out.
Sounds familiar?
Sounds like someone in your life?
You'll feel like "Aiyah... no point asking again... sure he don't want to come out.", or you just feel that you're making yourself a nuisance.
We no longer "Just try and ask". We don't want to be "thick-skin"...
We simply eliminate him from the "people we can go out with" because the "failure rate" is so high.
...
So I think it's pretty sad.
But there's no right or wrong here. The initiator doesn't know what his friend is thinking. He doesn't know if his friend is...
"really just happened to be unable to make it on the 2 - 3 occasions I asked him", or
"don't like to watch movie/kick soccer/play games/etc", or
"Want to go but have financial difficulties", or
"Don't like me", or any 100 other possibilities.
Personal Thoughts
I think it's a really wonderful thing when people ask you to go out.
It means they actually care.
It means whether you're there or not MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
Well, maybe you can say "he just ask me along to 'make up the numbers'" or whatever, but the fact is he makes the effort to ask you is good enough.
...
So I think even if you want to reject the person, you should at least say something like...
"Oh I really appreciate that you ask me, but I can't today because of XXX. Please ask me again next time."
Something like that lah.
The BEST thing you can do is to actually call him back next time and ask him out (Become the initiator). This greatly increases the chances he'll keep asking you.
...
The WORST thing you can do is to totally ignore the call or message.
For me, If it happens like about 2 or 3 times, I will immediately jump to the following conclusion:
"This person thinks I'm a nuisance. He can't even be bothered to talk to me. I better stop asking him next time."
So... what are your thoughts?
How many times do you try before you "give up on that person"?
Or, do you have any experiencing where someone keep calling you to do something uninteresting that you find him a nuisance? Or do you still appreciate him for asking you out even after you reject him so many times?
Where do you draw the line?
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