The past 1.5 months has no doubt been 1 of the most difficult and arduous period of my life.
On hindsight - It's trouble I find for myself (due to gtting influenced by others around me) yes, it is a big change. But is it really that big of a deal when you see it on your life basis?
It got so bad at one point that every ticking of the clock towards the "deadline" felt dreadful and scary.
While I was in the cycle, It felt that every deicsion I made would be wrong.
Everything is a huge mistake.
You may know "logically" know what to do, but you can't overcome the "emotions".
No matter how many people opinion you ask, whether they are close friends or experts, they are not you.
They will not understand your life goals.
We share different beliefs, experiences and life goals. What is important to someone else might not be important to me at all.
There is no need to follow someone else.
It was extremely painful and agonizing experience - filled with anxiety and worries. I never knew I had like anxiety disorders until this event.
The good?
It made me grew closer to my family.
It made me slowed down and see that there are other things to life besides work.
There are nature and there are better things to enjoy
It made me even more determined to find things to anchor myself onto after FIRE.
I have a huge buffer in my life - compared to the milions and millions who are forced to pivot during the pandemic, I am so much more lucky.
Mine is reallly a first world problem.
We are nothing but fleeting in this universe and a spark of dust compare to how vast the universe is.
No need to be too attached to things.
I need to focus on my personal life goal, not depend on others opinions to decide what I want.
