This will be my final post to sum up this period of my life. It's time to get over it and close this chapter for good.
When the battle failed in October and I received news of the somewhat 'good' record in the current place, I think I have leaned towards staying behind. It was a decision separated by a very thin line, and it really is a gamble either way. I will not know the consequences (good or bad) of this decision until far in the future.
There were multiple push and pull factors, but the major ones:
L - I really do not know how to evaluate you. I get mixed signals all the time. I have reflected my concerns, and I don't seem to get any response. You claim you want people to tell the truth, yet you prefer "politically correct" answers. I don't understand anymore. From now on, I will keep things to myself and work on self-improvement instead of vexing over things out of my control.
C - Was my most trusted confidante whom I shared everything with, but I don't know what changed. Regardless, it seems that you do not care at all. Fine by me. I have lost enough sleep over it.
TM - I really do not know. I hope they changed for the better.
W - Major push factor. Not my area at all. No interest. Not something I want to pursue, but was forced to. Fine.
B - Push factor. It opened my eyes to how far I am drifting behind. However, do I really want to "take a step backwards"?
A - Major major push factor, and the most conflicting one standing toe to toe with G. One day, this will be taken away. And hopefully I will not be here when it happens.
G - The most important pulling factor, perhaps the only one strong enough for me to withheld my decision (for a few months).
EMC - This supplemented G to cement my decision. Since I have made my mind, I should stick with it regardless of result. And I should make the best use of it to expand my knowledge.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Fight For What You Want!
No one will care about your ideologies, passion, dreams and future more than you do.
If you hate your job, take action to hunt for a better one. Update your resume, make that connection, reply to that head-hunter.
If you want something to happen, take action to make that phone call. Send that email. "Bombard" the relevant people.
We've grown up now, and things doesn't take care of itself anymore (or more like your parents doesn't take care of it anymore).
Passively waiting for things to happen no longer works in the corporate world. Everyone is like busy with their own lives. They say they'll get back but they don't. They say they'll do this and they don't.
When things important to you doesn't move, you can only depend on yourself to push things forward. Amid the negativity and bad things going on, I am glad I still managed to carve out a bloody path for myself.
Friday, November 20, 2015
The Most Difficult Times of My Life
As far as I can remember, there were 3 extremely difficult period in my life - some of the lowest point of my life. They are:
End 2006
The dreaded Island of Darkness. It's easy to look back at it now and shrug it off, but it was REALLY depressing at that point of time, and it felt like it would never end.
I think it's something many can relate to, but it was especially worse for me. It was physically, mentally and spiritually draining. It was depressing when you think of going back to the terrible place.
And this is still something I detest to this date.
Sometime Around 2009 - 2010
This was really a crisis period to me.
I felt like I was going crazy. I was very emotional, overly-sensitive, have random spurts of sadness and some crazy mood swings. I went back to look at some of the stuff I wrote during that period, and yeah, it was hilarious looking at it now.
But trust me, it was scary back then. Really scary.
To put it simply, it can be summarized with this post.
Mid 2015 Till Now
I already had that sense of de-javu back at the beginning of the year.
I think somehow, the cells in my body were already warning me in advance: "Hey, this is something you've experienced before. Something really bad."
I should have done something back then, but hindsight is 20/20. I continued my foolish ways.
And then it crashes hard onto me during the middle of the year.
Almost the same exact shit as 2009-2010 period again. What's worse this time round is having workplace problems compounding the agony.
To be honest, I really felt like throwing in the towel.
Just screw everything - but I held on.
Perseverance.
Everything I am enduring now is for the greater plan. For my future.
...
Thankfully, I've had some "prior experience", and hopefully, I'll be able to tide over this period faster.
So what have I learned from all these?
Time is the greatest healer.
No matter how bad the current circumstances are, it will come to pass.
And one day you will be able to look back upon it and laugh.
End 2006
The dreaded Island of Darkness. It's easy to look back at it now and shrug it off, but it was REALLY depressing at that point of time, and it felt like it would never end.
I think it's something many can relate to, but it was especially worse for me. It was physically, mentally and spiritually draining. It was depressing when you think of going back to the terrible place.
And this is still something I detest to this date.
Sometime Around 2009 - 2010
This was really a crisis period to me.
I felt like I was going crazy. I was very emotional, overly-sensitive, have random spurts of sadness and some crazy mood swings. I went back to look at some of the stuff I wrote during that period, and yeah, it was hilarious looking at it now.
But trust me, it was scary back then. Really scary.
To put it simply, it can be summarized with this post.
Mid 2015 Till Now
I already had that sense of de-javu back at the beginning of the year.
I think somehow, the cells in my body were already warning me in advance: "Hey, this is something you've experienced before. Something really bad."
I should have done something back then, but hindsight is 20/20. I continued my foolish ways.
And then it crashes hard onto me during the middle of the year.
Almost the same exact shit as 2009-2010 period again. What's worse this time round is having workplace problems compounding the agony.
To be honest, I really felt like throwing in the towel.
Just screw everything - but I held on.
Perseverance.
Everything I am enduring now is for the greater plan. For my future.
...
Thankfully, I've had some "prior experience", and hopefully, I'll be able to tide over this period faster.
So what have I learned from all these?
Time is the greatest healer.
No matter how bad the current circumstances are, it will come to pass.
And one day you will be able to look back upon it and laugh.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Low In Spirits, Down On Luck
Do you believe so? I encountered it today.
When you are in a bad state, you seem to attract negative things/energies to you.
And somehow, more bad things will happen.
Haiz...
Long story short: I was thrown into a pretty angry state by some remark. Almost wanted to just leave but somehow managed to "contain" my emotions. As I walked, I kept thinking about what happened, falling right into a drain in the dark.
No, I wasn't looking at my phone at all. I'm looking at the road, I saw myself walked right onto it but somehow it wasn't registering into my brain at all.
Sustain very minor scratches on myself, but the same can't be said for my phone.
It fell right on the carpark cement ground.
And a horrible crack now spread across the beautiful display. :(
When you are in a bad state, you seem to attract negative things/energies to you.
And somehow, more bad things will happen.
Haiz...
Long story short: I was thrown into a pretty angry state by some remark. Almost wanted to just leave but somehow managed to "contain" my emotions. As I walked, I kept thinking about what happened, falling right into a drain in the dark.
No, I wasn't looking at my phone at all. I'm looking at the road, I saw myself walked right onto it but somehow it wasn't registering into my brain at all.
Sustain very minor scratches on myself, but the same can't be said for my phone.
It fell right on the carpark cement ground.
And a horrible crack now spread across the beautiful display. :(
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
10 Years of Blogging!
Wow. I just realized I've been blogging for 10 freaking years!
It all started out with a simple post, and 不知不觉 I've been doing it for 10 years already!
Since then, I've written near 1200 posts - ranging from random garbage to very close and personal aspects about my life.
What a journey it has been, from the army stories of 2006 - 2008 to university life from 2008 to 2011 (actually documenting week by week for every semester!!!) .
I am really glad I took the effort to document these down. I'm sure they would be extremely enjoyable to look back at someday.
Granted, my efforts did died down after I started working. Isn't that sad? I think it happens to most of us. Your life starts becoming much less interesting, with more routine and mundane stuff, that we run out of things to blog about.We are all so preoccupied with work.
I hope that my passion for writing doesn't die down and I hope to continue to post, at least once in a while. I think my financial journey will be the "big story" for the next decade, haha.
...
Anyway, felt that I need a fresher and cleaner perspective.
To start anew.
So I decided to replace the blog theme with something more minimalist. I think the text are much easier to read and it just seems for refreshing to me.
Here's to commemorate the theme of the past 10 years.
It all started out with a simple post, and 不知不觉 I've been doing it for 10 years already!
Since then, I've written near 1200 posts - ranging from random garbage to very close and personal aspects about my life.
What a journey it has been, from the army stories of 2006 - 2008 to university life from 2008 to 2011 (actually documenting week by week for every semester!!!) .
I am really glad I took the effort to document these down. I'm sure they would be extremely enjoyable to look back at someday.
Granted, my efforts did died down after I started working. Isn't that sad? I think it happens to most of us. Your life starts becoming much less interesting, with more routine and mundane stuff, that we run out of things to blog about.We are all so preoccupied with work.
I hope that my passion for writing doesn't die down and I hope to continue to post, at least once in a while. I think my financial journey will be the "big story" for the next decade, haha.
...
Anyway, felt that I need a fresher and cleaner perspective.
To start anew.
So I decided to replace the blog theme with something more minimalist. I think the text are much easier to read and it just seems for refreshing to me.
Here's to commemorate the theme of the past 10 years.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Revelation - Financial Management
Financial management is a complex subject, and it's often hard to put
yourself in another shoes because everyone's circumstances are so
different. It's also a topic where you can easily 'offend' other people and receive tons of backlash.
"How dare you criticize/judge me for not saving? You don't give as much to your parents."
"You are single while I have families to raise. It's not possible to save."
"You earn more than me blah blah blah..."
Etc... you get the idea. Of course I think there are really genuine, serious cases out there of people struggling to make ends meet. Their income is not enough to suspend bare necessities. What I am describing here excludes them.
Anyway, here are my observations:
I've known people who have worked for ~10 years or more, and doesn't have >3months salary worth of savings. I also know people who prefer to drag their school loans for as long as possible, paying the minimum each month and pay an additional god knows how much in interest. Then there are people who have no qualms about splurging on expensive vacations then claiming they are poor. This is something I am totally unable to comprehend.
These are views that I keep to myself, because you can see how easily they can be offensive to others. I have no business meddling with how they wish to spend their money.
I see people around me claiming they don't want to work until they die, yet they're not even saving/investing at all. What do you expect? Strike the lottery 'someday'? If you can't save now while you are young, do you think you can save later when you've got families, aging parents, worsening health, more commitments?
To me, I am very clear on my financial goals and my strategy to achieve them. There are more than one way to Rome, and I don't claim mine is the best. Some people work harder to increase their income, some live frugally to cut expenses, other choose to start their own businesses. It is just what you choose to sacrifice, and I stood by my principles and beliefs.
Still think it's impossible? Again, you can look around the financial blogosphere for inspiration. Take a look at "Budget Babe", who saved $20K a year on a $2.5K salary. Or "Dividend Mantra", who had nothing at 28 years old (2009), and in 6 short years has built up a portfolio generating $5000+ per year. How about this janitor who amassed $8 million dollars by simply saving and investing over 65 years?
You might be thinking that's stupid cause there's no point being the richest man in the graveyard. Well, I don't plan to wait that long either. And we don't have to.
I think most of us here earn more than the janitor. If we just practice a little delayed gratification, avoid bad debts and big purchases that will lead to financial ruin, it is very possible to achieve financial security in 10 years, and financial independence in 20 years. All these without "going overboard". By that I mean still enjoying life in the process, not de-voiding yourself of all pleasures of spending.
Most of us are not lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon or blessed with a super high paying job. We need to plan the first half of our lives carefully to escape the rat race. The goal is not to amass mountains of wealth to show off or compete with others, but to generate your personal income stream so that finances no longer becomes a factor in the future. You can finally afford to choose a job you love without consideration of the salary. You can finally sleep in peace knowing you are prepared for any emergencies.
If you look far in the future, you will see that starting today is definitely worth it.
"How dare you criticize/judge me for not saving? You don't give as much to your parents."
"You are single while I have families to raise. It's not possible to save."
"You earn more than me blah blah blah..."
Etc... you get the idea. Of course I think there are really genuine, serious cases out there of people struggling to make ends meet. Their income is not enough to suspend bare necessities. What I am describing here excludes them.
Anyway, here are my observations:
I've known people who have worked for ~10 years or more, and doesn't have >3months salary worth of savings. I also know people who prefer to drag their school loans for as long as possible, paying the minimum each month and pay an additional god knows how much in interest. Then there are people who have no qualms about splurging on expensive vacations then claiming they are poor. This is something I am totally unable to comprehend.
These are views that I keep to myself, because you can see how easily they can be offensive to others. I have no business meddling with how they wish to spend their money.
I see people around me claiming they don't want to work until they die, yet they're not even saving/investing at all. What do you expect? Strike the lottery 'someday'? If you can't save now while you are young, do you think you can save later when you've got families, aging parents, worsening health, more commitments?
To me, I am very clear on my financial goals and my strategy to achieve them. There are more than one way to Rome, and I don't claim mine is the best. Some people work harder to increase their income, some live frugally to cut expenses, other choose to start their own businesses. It is just what you choose to sacrifice, and I stood by my principles and beliefs.
Still think it's impossible? Again, you can look around the financial blogosphere for inspiration. Take a look at "Budget Babe", who saved $20K a year on a $2.5K salary. Or "Dividend Mantra", who had nothing at 28 years old (2009), and in 6 short years has built up a portfolio generating $5000+ per year. How about this janitor who amassed $8 million dollars by simply saving and investing over 65 years?
You might be thinking that's stupid cause there's no point being the richest man in the graveyard. Well, I don't plan to wait that long either. And we don't have to.
I think most of us here earn more than the janitor. If we just practice a little delayed gratification, avoid bad debts and big purchases that will lead to financial ruin, it is very possible to achieve financial security in 10 years, and financial independence in 20 years. All these without "going overboard". By that I mean still enjoying life in the process, not de-voiding yourself of all pleasures of spending.
Most of us are not lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon or blessed with a super high paying job. We need to plan the first half of our lives carefully to escape the rat race. The goal is not to amass mountains of wealth to show off or compete with others, but to generate your personal income stream so that finances no longer becomes a factor in the future. You can finally afford to choose a job you love without consideration of the salary. You can finally sleep in peace knowing you are prepared for any emergencies.
If you look far in the future, you will see that starting today is definitely worth it.
Revelation - Investing
As I got more into investing over the past year, it has also become a more prevalent topic in my life. I have made many observations about how people around me react to this, and I think quite interesting.
I'll break down these observations into 2 separate posts, this one on investments, and the other on financial management.
When it comes to investing, I have encountered 2 major groups of people in my social circle.
Those who are completely uninterested in the topic
They view investing as something dangerous, risky, and roughly equivalent to gambling. I think maybe they watch too much drama, or news of people jumping off buildings during financial crisis. I was such a person in the past - and today one of my biggest regret is learning about investing 10 years late.
Do you know that $100 now can only buy $50 worth of things in 20 years time?
Do you know that if you invest 'conservatively' in the market, your $100 will grow (past on historical results) to $400 in 20 years?
People spend 8-10 hours a day working, 40+ hours a week working and they don't even spend 1 hour a month to learn about growing their money. That 1 hour is worth much much more in dollar value than your salary.
Those who speculate/do trading
I think these are the people who give investing a bad name.
These are people I know who time the market actively, buying/selling based on chart patterns, some even buying without even knowing what the company (usually penny stocks) do. Worst: Some employ leverage and trade using borrowed money. My intention here is definitely not to laugh at them, although I think some of them feel this way. In fact, it pains me to see people I care about sink deeper and deeper into the hole.
Studies have shown again and again that 95% of traders lose money. On the other hand, if you invest your money in the market for 20 years at ANY point of time, you would never have lost money. Time in the market matters, not timing the market.
Even the best fund managers and companies in the world, who do these as their full time job, have gone bankrupt from speculating. Do you seriously think you are better than them?
I think that is the problem with 'young people' nowadays? They want to get rich fast, and they want to get rich NOW. (yeah it makes me sound like an old man)
---
Whenever I tell people I am investing, they automatically categorize me as the 2nd type.
Then they start sharing macro economic trends, simi simi patterns, simi simi penny stocks. It really is a stereotype linked with the word 'investing'. Even my own family had the same reactions. They do not believe there is such thing as buying a company 'for the long term'. To them, long term = 6 months. Growing your money means putting it into banks fixed deposits.
And hence, my observation is this:
The 2nd group of people 'scares' the first group of people from ever starting to learn about investing. And if somehow the first group of people got started, they became the 2nd group of people.
Long Term Investing
Very few of my friends actually share the same investing methodology as me. Luckily, I have a huge group of "enlightened tutors" (启蒙导师) that I follow online. It makes me feel that I am not alone on this arduous and misunderstood journey.
If you bother, take a look around the local blogosphere community: There are many examples of normal, working class 'peasants' who are recording their step by step journey towards financial independence (and some already 'reached their destination'). They are not born with a silver spoon. They are not multi-millionaires giving generic, motherhood statement advice. They are middle class citizens who got a median income job just like you and me. Just google them:
AK71 - Semi retired at 40+, with a 6 digit passive income every year yet still live a frugal lifestyle. Blogs about saving money, investments, CPF and many other topics.
Dividend Warrior - Started investing in 2008 and accumulated a portfolio generating $1000 per month by early 30s, before starting his own business.
15HWW Couple - A couple who recorded their expenses monthly, married and saved $250k before 30. Earned $8K passive income last year. (how lucky is it to have a SO who share the same financial dream as you!)
Got Money Got Honey - A 25 year old chap with a $20K portfolio, $300/year passive income who writes really entertaining articles. He has a clear goal of what he wants to achieve at each stage of his life.
And many more which I can't possibly list.
As you can see, they are all at different stages of life with largely different "networth". Some started earlier, some started late, but that's not what is important at all.
What is important is they all largely believe in long term investing, in creating passive income to ultimately achieve financial independence. Accumulating durians no longer works in the world we live in today. We need to plant durian trees where we can harvest year after year.
"Measuring returns at the start of every month from 1988 to August 2013, if the index was held for a year, there’s a 41% chance of sitting on negative nominal (i.e. unadjusted for inflation) returns. Hold it for 10 years, and losses occurred only 19% of the time. Double the holding period to 20 years however – here comes the kicker – and there were no losses." (Straits Times Index, Motley Fool)
When it comes to investing, I have encountered 2 major groups of people in my social circle.
Those who are completely uninterested in the topic
They view investing as something dangerous, risky, and roughly equivalent to gambling. I think maybe they watch too much drama, or news of people jumping off buildings during financial crisis. I was such a person in the past - and today one of my biggest regret is learning about investing 10 years late.
Do you know that $100 now can only buy $50 worth of things in 20 years time?
Do you know that if you invest 'conservatively' in the market, your $100 will grow (past on historical results) to $400 in 20 years?
People spend 8-10 hours a day working, 40+ hours a week working and they don't even spend 1 hour a month to learn about growing their money. That 1 hour is worth much much more in dollar value than your salary.
Those who speculate/do trading
I think these are the people who give investing a bad name.
These are people I know who time the market actively, buying/selling based on chart patterns, some even buying without even knowing what the company (usually penny stocks) do. Worst: Some employ leverage and trade using borrowed money. My intention here is definitely not to laugh at them, although I think some of them feel this way. In fact, it pains me to see people I care about sink deeper and deeper into the hole.
Studies have shown again and again that 95% of traders lose money. On the other hand, if you invest your money in the market for 20 years at ANY point of time, you would never have lost money. Time in the market matters, not timing the market.
Even the best fund managers and companies in the world, who do these as their full time job, have gone bankrupt from speculating. Do you seriously think you are better than them?
I think that is the problem with 'young people' nowadays? They want to get rich fast, and they want to get rich NOW. (yeah it makes me sound like an old man)
---
Whenever I tell people I am investing, they automatically categorize me as the 2nd type.
Then they start sharing macro economic trends, simi simi patterns, simi simi penny stocks. It really is a stereotype linked with the word 'investing'. Even my own family had the same reactions. They do not believe there is such thing as buying a company 'for the long term'. To them, long term = 6 months. Growing your money means putting it into banks fixed deposits.
And hence, my observation is this:
The 2nd group of people 'scares' the first group of people from ever starting to learn about investing. And if somehow the first group of people got started, they became the 2nd group of people.
Long Term Investing
Very few of my friends actually share the same investing methodology as me. Luckily, I have a huge group of "enlightened tutors" (启蒙导师) that I follow online. It makes me feel that I am not alone on this arduous and misunderstood journey.
If you bother, take a look around the local blogosphere community: There are many examples of normal, working class 'peasants' who are recording their step by step journey towards financial independence (and some already 'reached their destination'). They are not born with a silver spoon. They are not multi-millionaires giving generic, motherhood statement advice. They are middle class citizens who got a median income job just like you and me. Just google them:
AK71 - Semi retired at 40+, with a 6 digit passive income every year yet still live a frugal lifestyle. Blogs about saving money, investments, CPF and many other topics.
Dividend Warrior - Started investing in 2008 and accumulated a portfolio generating $1000 per month by early 30s, before starting his own business.
15HWW Couple - A couple who recorded their expenses monthly, married and saved $250k before 30. Earned $8K passive income last year. (how lucky is it to have a SO who share the same financial dream as you!)
Got Money Got Honey - A 25 year old chap with a $20K portfolio, $300/year passive income who writes really entertaining articles. He has a clear goal of what he wants to achieve at each stage of his life.
And many more which I can't possibly list.
As you can see, they are all at different stages of life with largely different "networth". Some started earlier, some started late, but that's not what is important at all.
What is important is they all largely believe in long term investing, in creating passive income to ultimately achieve financial independence. Accumulating durians no longer works in the world we live in today. We need to plant durian trees where we can harvest year after year.
"Measuring returns at the start of every month from 1988 to August 2013, if the index was held for a year, there’s a 41% chance of sitting on negative nominal (i.e. unadjusted for inflation) returns. Hold it for 10 years, and losses occurred only 19% of the time. Double the holding period to 20 years however – here comes the kicker – and there were no losses." (Straits Times Index, Motley Fool)
Wednesday, November 04, 2015
Reflections
(有很多事，还是用话语来写比较贴切）
一年即将来到尾声。。。今年我还真的发生很多风风雨雨，尤其是在‘人事’反面。我想我对生活感到厌倦的原因，人事应该占了大幅度吧。而它也直接带给我各方面的烦恼和问题。
。。。
忽冷忽热，到我以为我们变好，到冷战又重圆，接着又恶性循环。我真的累了。我想我已经尽了我最大的努力和本分。当你的努力一而再，再而三的得到对方的冷言冷语，人真的会放弃的。我也不想再为这件事所困扰了，因为我已度过了无数个失眠的夜晚，无数的低潮，无数的伤感。
。。。
有些你知道没有结果的事，你是否应该继续放感情，放时间，放心思去经营？这样做是笨还是傻？
情感的事真的是没有理由的。这一年，我深切的感受到好多，真真的体会到什么叫‘触景伤情’，什么叫‘景物依旧，人事已非’。当你一个人回到某个地方，想着上次你的身边有着谁的时候。那种感觉真的很心酸。
我希望这是最后一次。
。。。
其实现在我对这些没什么奢望了。
我必须重新振作，不能再淹没在这些负面的情绪当中。
为自己的目标而勇敢的努力吧。
一年即将来到尾声。。。今年我还真的发生很多风风雨雨，尤其是在‘人事’反面。我想我对生活感到厌倦的原因，人事应该占了大幅度吧。而它也直接带给我各方面的烦恼和问题。
。。。
忽冷忽热，到我以为我们变好，到冷战又重圆，接着又恶性循环。我真的累了。我想我已经尽了我最大的努力和本分。当你的努力一而再，再而三的得到对方的冷言冷语，人真的会放弃的。我也不想再为这件事所困扰了，因为我已度过了无数个失眠的夜晚，无数的低潮，无数的伤感。
。。。
有些你知道没有结果的事，你是否应该继续放感情，放时间，放心思去经营？这样做是笨还是傻？
情感的事真的是没有理由的。这一年，我深切的感受到好多，真真的体会到什么叫‘触景伤情’，什么叫‘景物依旧，人事已非’。当你一个人回到某个地方，想着上次你的身边有着谁的时候。那种感觉真的很心酸。
我希望这是最后一次。
。。。
其实现在我对这些没什么奢望了。
我必须重新振作，不能再淹没在这些负面的情绪当中。
为自己的目标而勇敢的努力吧。
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