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Showing posts with label Daily Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daily Stuff. Show all posts
Saturday, May 30, 2020
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Insomnia Problems III
This is the 3rd time I'm blogging about this in a year and I have really exhausted all options.
How It Started / Worsen
As far as I remember, I started having insomnia problems as far back as 2015. At that time, I thought it was caused by a poor mattress which is partly why I replaced the whole thing.
After that, it still occurs once in a while, but usually with a clear cause - Some unhappy event in the day, major stimultant before bedtime, overly anxious about upcoming event etc. Once in a while it will happen with no apparant cause.
This continue through my ex-job until Nov 2016. Frequency as far as I remember is about once or twice a month.
It became extremely bad this year. The first month of 2018 is barely over and I've already had 5 sleepless nights, often consecutively. It's so bad then I had to repeatedly take half days in order not to suffer panic attacks during the afternoon.
The worst thing is, there are no apparant cause now. Competely adhoc occurences with no pattern.
I think it's a vicious cycle - when I fail to sleep for 1 night for some reason, I would go to sleep the next day fearing that I won't be able to sleep - a self fuilfilling cause.
I don't know if it is the insomnia that is causing me stress, or the stress that is giving me insomnia.
Everything I've Tried
I've googled hundreds of articles and advices. Everything you can think of to combat insomnia, I've done it.
1. Sleep meditation, sleep hypnosis, sleep music (delta waves), ASMR videos, white noise app, sounds of nature, random podcasts playing the background - I've prowled through hundreds of them on Youtube.
2. Lavender scent, eating supposedly sleep inducing food including banana, milk, bread, camomile tea.
3. Deep breathing exercises, yoga poses (dozens of them), pattern breathing, supposed tricks to sleep.
4. Blue screen filter at night, wearing socks, keep temperature cool, exercising, yadda yadda.
5. Supplements. Many different type of supplements.
2 years ago, insomnia was annoying but tolerable. Today, it is really having a big negative impact on my life. I am pretty sure my frequent migranes and cold aliments originate from have bad sleep so often.
What Am I Doing About It?
I am trying to record as much details as possible right now, and trying different combinations and variables to make identify the cause.
Like trying different time to go to bed, drinking/not drinking milk, exercising at different timing, etc.
Hopefully I can finally find a pattern that will eventually work.
How It Started / Worsen
As far as I remember, I started having insomnia problems as far back as 2015. At that time, I thought it was caused by a poor mattress which is partly why I replaced the whole thing.
After that, it still occurs once in a while, but usually with a clear cause - Some unhappy event in the day, major stimultant before bedtime, overly anxious about upcoming event etc. Once in a while it will happen with no apparant cause.
This continue through my ex-job until Nov 2016. Frequency as far as I remember is about once or twice a month.
It became extremely bad this year. The first month of 2018 is barely over and I've already had 5 sleepless nights, often consecutively. It's so bad then I had to repeatedly take half days in order not to suffer panic attacks during the afternoon.
The worst thing is, there are no apparant cause now. Competely adhoc occurences with no pattern.
I think it's a vicious cycle - when I fail to sleep for 1 night for some reason, I would go to sleep the next day fearing that I won't be able to sleep - a self fuilfilling cause.
I don't know if it is the insomnia that is causing me stress, or the stress that is giving me insomnia.
Everything I've Tried
I've googled hundreds of articles and advices. Everything you can think of to combat insomnia, I've done it.
1. Sleep meditation, sleep hypnosis, sleep music (delta waves), ASMR videos, white noise app, sounds of nature, random podcasts playing the background - I've prowled through hundreds of them on Youtube.
2. Lavender scent, eating supposedly sleep inducing food including banana, milk, bread, camomile tea.
3. Deep breathing exercises, yoga poses (dozens of them), pattern breathing, supposed tricks to sleep.
4. Blue screen filter at night, wearing socks, keep temperature cool, exercising, yadda yadda.
5. Supplements. Many different type of supplements.
2 years ago, insomnia was annoying but tolerable. Today, it is really having a big negative impact on my life. I am pretty sure my frequent migranes and cold aliments originate from have bad sleep so often.
What Am I Doing About It?
I am trying to record as much details as possible right now, and trying different combinations and variables to make identify the cause.
Like trying different time to go to bed, drinking/not drinking milk, exercising at different timing, etc.
Hopefully I can finally find a pattern that will eventually work.
Wednesday, August 09, 2017
Insomnia Problems II
I've been trying dozen of ways to combat insomnia. Unfortunately, they only work from time to time, and in the worst case I still have to resort to sleeping pills.
---
1. Contract tightly, then relax your muscles starting from toes to head and back to toes.
2. Place tongue behind 2 front teeth. Breath in counts of 4, hold for 7 and breath out for 8. Do not assume regular breathing in between.
3. Use White Noise App (Slumber, Calm, Headspace)
4. Wearing socks
5. Glass of milk / Chamomile Tea / Banana
6. Lavender Oil Essence
7. Squeeze left first, release and repeat for right first, counting each as they were sheep.
8. Close your eyes and try your best to stay awake
9. Immerse your face in very cold water for 30 seconds
10. Practice left nostril breathing. Block off your right nostril with your right thumb and take long slow deep breaths through your left nostril only. This is said to have a soothing and relaxing effect on body mind in Yoga.
11.Yoga poses
12. Sleep delta wave music/sound
13. Take a warm bath or shower. Research show this can decrease body temperature and trigger sleepy feeling because your heart rate, digestion and other metabolic processes slow down.
14. Melatonin and other supplements
---
1. Contract tightly, then relax your muscles starting from toes to head and back to toes.
2. Place tongue behind 2 front teeth. Breath in counts of 4, hold for 7 and breath out for 8. Do not assume regular breathing in between.
3. Use White Noise App (Slumber, Calm, Headspace)
4. Wearing socks
5. Glass of milk / Chamomile Tea / Banana
6. Lavender Oil Essence
7. Squeeze left first, release and repeat for right first, counting each as they were sheep.
8. Close your eyes and try your best to stay awake
9. Immerse your face in very cold water for 30 seconds
10. Practice left nostril breathing. Block off your right nostril with your right thumb and take long slow deep breaths through your left nostril only. This is said to have a soothing and relaxing effect on body mind in Yoga.
11.Yoga poses
12. Sleep delta wave music/sound
13. Take a warm bath or shower. Research show this can decrease body temperature and trigger sleepy feeling because your heart rate, digestion and other metabolic processes slow down.
14. Melatonin and other supplements
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Insomnia Problems
This has been plaguing me for the longest time.
It's a problem that comes and go randomly.
I have no idea the cause - it's definitely not about feeling particularly stress.
In the past, it could be lying on bed until 3am. Or maybe waking up at 3am and being unable to sleep.
I have no idea the cause - it's definitely not about feeling particularly stress.
In the past, it could be lying on bed until 3am. Or maybe waking up at 3am and being unable to sleep.
And somehow recently, it's getting worse. Absolute worst.
These days, I can simply toss and turn the entire night, straight until day break.
Doesn't matter weekday or weekends. It just strikes randomly.
I've tried sleep meditation videos and apps, the 4-7-8 breathing, the drinking milk/wearing socks, the blue screen filter, even as far as purchasing melatonin (natural sleeping chemical produced by our bodies), but yet the effects are minimal.
When it strikes, it strikes really hard and randomly. It's like I can never fell asleep once I past the golden hour (usually between 12 to 1am). Worst, this one last up to 2 or even 3 days.
These days, I can simply toss and turn the entire night, straight until day break.
Doesn't matter weekday or weekends. It just strikes randomly.
I've tried sleep meditation videos and apps, the 4-7-8 breathing, the drinking milk/wearing socks, the blue screen filter, even as far as purchasing melatonin (natural sleeping chemical produced by our bodies), but yet the effects are minimal.
When it strikes, it strikes really hard and randomly. It's like I can never fell asleep once I past the golden hour (usually between 12 to 1am). Worst, this one last up to 2 or even 3 days.
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Thirties
Ahhh... The big 3 is finally upon me.
Some pretty significant revelations/events happened in the past year:
Some pretty significant revelations/events happened in the past year:
1. Board Games Meetup
Probably the biggest change to my weekend life for years - The meetups have since become an integral part of my weekends.
In the past, sleep was almost always a priority. Now, there are times when I would even brave the rain to attend the meetups.
Let's just say that they are now ranked really highly up in my "priority" list.
Let's just say that they are now ranked really highly up in my "priority" list.
Best of all, I think it's a really good pastime - Social, Fun and Low Cost. I got to meet lots of new people, enjoyed myself immensely in the process and it doesn't cost much money!
2. Minimalist Lifestyle
While I am far from being a true minimalist (I still hold sentimental value to many 'obsolete' things), I think there's good progress made this year by dumping out lot of stuff.
I think I have "no feeling" towards many possessions now.
Black Friday, Alibaba 11-11 Sales, Taobao, etc... I never even buy a single item. Haha. I really don't get what's all the craze about.
If you don't need it, then you don't need it, sales or not.
I have to "really consider" before buying any things, especially physical objects. Digital things are still okay, but physical items are really a waste of space and you need to spend additional effort to maintain them.
3. Financial Goals
Now, I have truly experienced the ups and downs of the financial markets for myself.
I have become numb to seeing my portfolio going up/down by 4 digits in a single day.
Brexit? Trump Presidency?
You thought there's no way Trump would win. And he did.
You thought the markets would crash should he win. It skyrocketed instead.
All these only strengthened what I already know.
Time in the markets > Timing the market. Buy good companies, ignore the markets and hold them for the long-term. That's how you grow your money.
Anyway. Now begins my 10 years path towards Financial Independence. 10 Years.
Contrary to what some may think, I never intend to (and never will) sacrifice my quality of life, health, or happiness in the pursue of FI. That explains why I took a 3 weeks break between job change, why I still indulge in the "wants" of life.
4. Job Change
The biggest event this year.
Frankly speaking, I was extremely apprehensive about it - even after I've made up my mind.
Up till my first week or so at the new role, I am still wondering if I had made the right choice.
It feels like something I read about before - Stockholm syndrome, though definitely not in the same context.
We all get comfortable after staying in one environment (good or bad) for a long time, and can feel lost and start missing the old place, the routine, the people.
Hopefully the adjustment period will be over soon and I can start anew.
5. Becoming Stronger & More Independent
This sort of just happened over the past 1+ year.
In the past (from university period right up till late 2015), my happiness was significantly affected by external events - particularly other people.
When someone treat me badly, I'll feel extremely bad. When people don't reciprocate my goodwill, I'll feel super disappointed. When I get cheated, I become extremely depressed. You get the idea.
Now, these things affects me much much less. I spend time on things I care about. I care less what other people think. I don't let judgement and superficial things bother me.
When I'm tired, I just say I'm leaving - I don't care if you think I'm unfriendly or weird.
When I want to take a long break, I take a long break - Don't care people saying I "waste money".
When I don't want to go out with you, that means I don't want to go out - Don't say I'm anti-social.
When people try to inject negativity into me, I ignore them.
Basically, I do what I want, when I want.
I definitely feel more "true to myself" now.
And it feels damn good.
While I am far from being a true minimalist (I still hold sentimental value to many 'obsolete' things), I think there's good progress made this year by dumping out lot of stuff.
I think I have "no feeling" towards many possessions now.
Black Friday, Alibaba 11-11 Sales, Taobao, etc... I never even buy a single item. Haha. I really don't get what's all the craze about.
If you don't need it, then you don't need it, sales or not.
I have to "really consider" before buying any things, especially physical objects. Digital things are still okay, but physical items are really a waste of space and you need to spend additional effort to maintain them.
3. Financial Goals
Now, I have truly experienced the ups and downs of the financial markets for myself.
I have become numb to seeing my portfolio going up/down by 4 digits in a single day.
Brexit? Trump Presidency?
You thought there's no way Trump would win. And he did.
You thought the markets would crash should he win. It skyrocketed instead.
All these only strengthened what I already know.
Time in the markets > Timing the market. Buy good companies, ignore the markets and hold them for the long-term. That's how you grow your money.
Anyway. Now begins my 10 years path towards Financial Independence. 10 Years.
Contrary to what some may think, I never intend to (and never will) sacrifice my quality of life, health, or happiness in the pursue of FI. That explains why I took a 3 weeks break between job change, why I still indulge in the "wants" of life.
4. Job Change
The biggest event this year.
Frankly speaking, I was extremely apprehensive about it - even after I've made up my mind.
Up till my first week or so at the new role, I am still wondering if I had made the right choice.
It feels like something I read about before - Stockholm syndrome, though definitely not in the same context.
We all get comfortable after staying in one environment (good or bad) for a long time, and can feel lost and start missing the old place, the routine, the people.
Hopefully the adjustment period will be over soon and I can start anew.
5. Becoming Stronger & More Independent
This sort of just happened over the past 1+ year.
In the past (from university period right up till late 2015), my happiness was significantly affected by external events - particularly other people.
When someone treat me badly, I'll feel extremely bad. When people don't reciprocate my goodwill, I'll feel super disappointed. When I get cheated, I become extremely depressed. You get the idea.
Now, these things affects me much much less. I spend time on things I care about. I care less what other people think. I don't let judgement and superficial things bother me.
When I'm tired, I just say I'm leaving - I don't care if you think I'm unfriendly or weird.
When I want to take a long break, I take a long break - Don't care people saying I "waste money".
When I don't want to go out with you, that means I don't want to go out - Don't say I'm anti-social.
When people try to inject negativity into me, I ignore them.
Basically, I do what I want, when I want.
I definitely feel more "true to myself" now.
And it feels damn good.
Friday, November 11, 2016
3 Weeks Break!
My top priorities for this vacation, asides from relaxing, recharging, and energizing myself, are:
1. House & Comp Spring Cleaning
2. Portfolio Review - To come up with a systematic and streamlined process to handle my portfolio and other finances going forward.
3. Exercise - At least to get back a bit into shape for upcoming IPPT.
To ensure I do not "waste" this once in a blue moon holiday, I'm going to track the general things I'm doing each day. This is to make sure I meet the goals I'm planning.
My House/Comp Spring Cleaning is going to be my largest and most comprehensive to date. Many of the items dumped will be documented in the Minimalist Lifestyle post.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6/11 - Hearthstone Worlds Championship + Board Games Meetup
7/11 - Portfolio Review, Comp Spring Cleaning, Civ 6
8/11 - Civ 6, Swimming, Planet Earth II
9/11 - Drive Parents Around, Tailor Office Wear
10/11 - Comp Spring Cleaning, House Spring Cleaning, Factory Reset S6 For Sale
11/11 - Trip to JB
12/11 - Comp Spring Cleaning, House Spring Cleaning [Cleared my bedroom entire upper cabinet]
13/11 - Board Games Meetup
14/11 - House Spring Cleaning [Dump even more stuff - SAS/University/BAML] + Board Game Meetup
15/11 - New Job Admin Stuff + Planet Earth II + House Spring Cleaning [Prepare to dump lot of gaming-related stuffs]
16/11 - Haircut + Collect Clothes + Death Note + Spam 最强大脑
17/11 - Spam 最强大脑 + Board Game Meetup
18/11 - Spam 最强大脑 + Portfolio Review
19/11 - International Games Day
20/11 - Board Games Meetup
21/11 - Portfolio Review
22/11 - Family Outing
23/11 - Comp Spring Cleaning
24/11 - Swimming + Shopping
1. House & Comp Spring Cleaning
2. Portfolio Review - To come up with a systematic and streamlined process to handle my portfolio and other finances going forward.
3. Exercise - At least to get back a bit into shape for upcoming IPPT.
To ensure I do not "waste" this once in a blue moon holiday, I'm going to track the general things I'm doing each day. This is to make sure I meet the goals I'm planning.
My House/Comp Spring Cleaning is going to be my largest and most comprehensive to date. Many of the items dumped will be documented in the Minimalist Lifestyle post.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6/11 - Hearthstone Worlds Championship + Board Games Meetup
7/11 - Portfolio Review, Comp Spring Cleaning, Civ 6
8/11 - Civ 6, Swimming, Planet Earth II
9/11 - Drive Parents Around, Tailor Office Wear
10/11 - Comp Spring Cleaning, House Spring Cleaning, Factory Reset S6 For Sale
11/11 - Trip to JB
12/11 - Comp Spring Cleaning, House Spring Cleaning [Cleared my bedroom entire upper cabinet]
13/11 - Board Games Meetup
14/11 - House Spring Cleaning [Dump even more stuff - SAS/University/BAML] + Board Game Meetup
15/11 - New Job Admin Stuff + Planet Earth II + House Spring Cleaning [Prepare to dump lot of gaming-related stuffs]
16/11 - Haircut + Collect Clothes + Death Note + Spam 最强大脑
17/11 - Spam 最强大脑 + Board Game Meetup
18/11 - Spam 最强大脑 + Portfolio Review
19/11 - International Games Day
20/11 - Board Games Meetup
21/11 - Portfolio Review
22/11 - Family Outing
23/11 - Comp Spring Cleaning
24/11 - Swimming + Shopping
Friday, November 04, 2016
Final Memories
I may not be around anymore, but these will stay on with me for a long time. Thank you for the memories:
1. Rubbish lah!
2. Jin Bad! (Jin bad lah you!)
3. I think can! / Also can!
4. Jialuk
5. Don't waste my time!
6. You call yourself engineer
7. Give free I take
8. Add to Cart (ATC)
9. Easy la this one!
10. My part considered done.
11. Tomorrow/Tuesday/Friday my last day.
12. You are the pillar... without you the stock will crash.
13. One Click! (One Click $200K)
14. Power lah you.
15. Trueeeeeeeeeee.
16. Bo bian mah bo bian.
17. I cannot accept this.
18. Sugar blast.
19. Why you always plot me.
20. I cannot accept this.
21. 太过谦虚就会变得虚伪 / 少给我你的虚伪
22. Aiya 你不会明白的啦
23. Suan liao suan liao.
24. 小事小事，不用担心
25. I'll catch up.
26. You cheat my feeling.
27. Just upload.
28. You evillllllllll.
29. PT / Apink / Your Best Friend / Lucy / Nancy / Rubbish Man / Aquaman ... ... Jian Die (Spy) / Chewable / Champagne / Gong Kway / Poko / Princess...
30. All the Mummies, Taikors, Jiejies and Korkors
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Minimalist Lifestyle
The Less You Have, The More You Own
"You won't find happiness in a brand new car or the latest iPhone. Once that initial excitement whizz off, and it will, you still have to make the monthly payment. You're happy in the moment, sure, but only because the thrill is in the chase. Ultimately, the void you're trying to fill will not be fill with stuff."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been instilled with the idea of a minimalistic lifestyle for a while now, and even more so recently.
In the future, I'm going to take a "dump or digitize and dump" approach - Insurance papers, bill statements, receipts, etc...
Anything not needed (few months to 1 year) should be dump, or digitize and dump.
Past few weeks I've also been doing a spring cleaning of my stuff.
Products documents: IT gadgets and old components, many which are no longer functioning and I've thrown away, and yet somehow I'm still holding on to their "packagings", "user manuals", "receipts", "quick start guides", which I haven't used since I brought them and won't ever use again.
Old Handphones & Gadgets: Are you really going to use back to using your old HPs when your current one fails? Don't kid yourself. You'll 100% buy a new one. The same thing goes for PC components. Really.
I also have computer components dating back to pre 2006. Yes, before I even built my first full system. Floppy drives, 256MB DDR rams, 80GB hard drives, sound cards and who knows what obscure graphic card.
And what's more? Some extremely obsolete items that I have no idea are still rotting in my cupboard. Examples:
- Sony Ericsson HP earphone connectors/Bluetooth (Some weird proprietary nonsense)
- Creative Zen Stone (it is using some old form of USB that I can't even find the cable to)
- Some 'really dusty' headpieces that I don't even know if they are working anymore
- STACKS and STACKS of foolscap paper, notebooks, notepads, etc... that date as far back as my PRIMARY SCHOOL.
I'm also hoping to slowly consolidate the old files I have on CDs (each 600Mbs) to a external hard drive where I can keep everything.
Don't buy useless stuff you don't need.
Afternote: Also 'mass unsubscribe' to dozens of useless email groups and clear my mailboxes.
"You won't find happiness in a brand new car or the latest iPhone. Once that initial excitement whizz off, and it will, you still have to make the monthly payment. You're happy in the moment, sure, but only because the thrill is in the chase. Ultimately, the void you're trying to fill will not be fill with stuff."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been instilled with the idea of a minimalistic lifestyle for a while now, and even more so recently.
In the future, I'm going to take a "dump or digitize and dump" approach - Insurance papers, bill statements, receipts, etc...
Anything not needed (few months to 1 year) should be dump, or digitize and dump.
Past few weeks I've also been doing a spring cleaning of my stuff.
Products documents: IT gadgets and old components, many which are no longer functioning and I've thrown away, and yet somehow I'm still holding on to their "packagings", "user manuals", "receipts", "quick start guides", which I haven't used since I brought them and won't ever use again.
Old Handphones & Gadgets: Are you really going to use back to using your old HPs when your current one fails? Don't kid yourself. You'll 100% buy a new one. The same thing goes for PC components. Really.
I also have computer components dating back to pre 2006. Yes, before I even built my first full system. Floppy drives, 256MB DDR rams, 80GB hard drives, sound cards and who knows what obscure graphic card.
And what's more? Some extremely obsolete items that I have no idea are still rotting in my cupboard. Examples:
- Sony Ericsson HP earphone connectors/Bluetooth (Some weird proprietary nonsense)
- Creative Zen Stone (it is using some old form of USB that I can't even find the cable to)
- Some 'really dusty' headpieces that I don't even know if they are working anymore
- STACKS and STACKS of foolscap paper, notebooks, notepads, etc... that date as far back as my PRIMARY SCHOOL.
Don't buy useless stuff you don't need.
Afternote: Also 'mass unsubscribe' to dozens of useless email groups and clear my mailboxes.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Thursday, June 02, 2016
Board Games Meetup & Bunch Of Life Updates
This is gonna be a "rojak" life update post about anything and everything I can think of in my life right now.
Things happening/happened, news I come across, what I am doing now, etc...
---
1) Board Games Meetup
My weekends have become much more occupied after participating in the board game meetups. This became especially frequent in May, and has became something I look forward to every week. I've played so many new board games!
In no particularly order off the top of my head: Code Names, Dixit, Cloud 9, Spyfall, Three Kingdoms Redux, Lords of Waterdeep, Bang!, Deception: Murder in Hong Kong, Betrayal at House on the Hill, Secret Hitler, Istanbul, Mascarade, Hands Up, No Thanks, Gang Up, King of Tokyo/New York, Pandemic, Splendor, The Places of Carrara, Isle of Skye, Broom Service, Village, Tiny Epic Kingdoms, Evolution, Imperial, Coup, Condottiere, The Resistance, Sheriff of Nottingham, Telestrations, Monster Fox, Flash Point, Nigeria Falls, I'm The Boss, Citadels, Panic Station, Fake Artist, Avalon, Eat Me If You Can!, Ugly Dolls...
Whew... that was a mouthful. And this is counting only those I can remember.
Perhaps one of these days I'll do a short write-up on them. So far, my favourite kind of games the deception and more light-hearted 'brainless' party games. I don't mind some simple economic games, but no more heavy resource management worker placement please (exception being Three Kingdoms).
Asides from the games, there are also many entertaining and friendly people you get to meet - a cosplaying game master who comes equipped with 'background music' and various props really adds to the atmosphere. There are master-negotiators and entertainers, hardcore enthusiasts who enjoy 5+ hours games and casual ones who prefers party games, from 5 to 50 years old.
There's also a very cute dog that one of the player brings along sometimes!
---
2) Missing Person
I have been deliberately skipping meetings with a certain group these days, and I guess some of them are wondering why. Or perhaps they do not care.
Anyway, 3 reasons. I want to avoid certain people, I want to "cold turkey" myself, and I want to completely eliminate any reasons (verbal, emotional, etc) I can give myself to "back out". I have made up my mind and this will not change.
---
3) Tough Decision
I had to make one tough decision in May when I had to reject an "old acquaintance".
Trust me, it was not easy saying 'no' to something you were initially so enthusiastic about, especially when there exists so many "push factors". I took 2 weeks to consider, consulting many friends, family and eventually following my heart & brain.
It was just not worth it - it felt like too big of a risk.
I would be lowering almost every aspect of what I enjoy right now (time, energy, money, flexibility, certainty), in exchange for the POSSIBILITY of greater satisfaction, and MAYBE better benefits down the line. It just doesn't feel right to me.
Regardless, it is all over now, and it's back to the drawing board.
Afternote: There were some good news after I made the decision, which makes me want to believe it is the correct one. The answer would not be revealed until later next month.
---
4) Debt In Modern Society
Came across an article where Singaporeans are lining up at car showrooms after loans policy were relaxed from 5 to 7 years.
My thoughts: If you are "able to afford" a car just because you can now pay it over 2 extra years, then you CAN'T afford the car in the first place. WHY are people getting themselves into debt for 'wants'?!
I can never understand why people want to take loans and credits for liabilities. The only loan I agree with taking would be a mortgage, but even then only at a level that is reasonable.
My policy is to pay it upfront in its entirety. If you have to pay by installments, you shouldn't buy it. If you have to loan money for it, you can't afford it. Period.
Taking on debts have become so common that everyone is expect to. If you don't have the money, don't buy it.
---
5) Health & Fitness
I'm getting older and I think my muscles & bones are getting more fragile.
I went for a short FIVE minutes run on one weekday night, and 2 days later my kneecap was swollen and hurts like hell when I walk. Went to see the doctor who told me I injured knee ligament, likely due to lack of warmup and after long periods of inactivity.
Haiz... Lesson Learnt: Always do your warmups.
---
6) Entertainment Series
More like a self reminder posts of the variety shows and dramas I must keep up with, LOL.
1) 天才冲冲冲 + 封神无双 (Every weekend)
2) Korean Drama Genius
3) Aside from regular ones (Trump's Hearthstone, REACT channel), I've become addicted to these series recently: Jessie Cox's Strange Life, TB's Secret Hitler, Table Top
---
7) Mayday Concert!
Secured a VIP seat to their concert thanks to "jiejie"! This is the first concert I am attending in 3 years (the previous one being theirs too)! And I can't freaking wait!!!
---
8) 'Milestones' Battle
An eye opening and experience gaining battle. This was one of my earlier battles but unfortunately I really flunk on some of the SQL.
---
9) Books
List of various books that I somehow come across, either through blog posts or articles that I might want to read in the future.
Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters
Portfolios of the Poor
Things happening/happened, news I come across, what I am doing now, etc...
---
1) Board Games Meetup
My weekends have become much more occupied after participating in the board game meetups. This became especially frequent in May, and has became something I look forward to every week. I've played so many new board games!
In no particularly order off the top of my head: Code Names, Dixit, Cloud 9, Spyfall, Three Kingdoms Redux, Lords of Waterdeep, Bang!, Deception: Murder in Hong Kong, Betrayal at House on the Hill, Secret Hitler, Istanbul, Mascarade, Hands Up, No Thanks, Gang Up, King of Tokyo/New York, Pandemic, Splendor, The Places of Carrara, Isle of Skye, Broom Service, Village, Tiny Epic Kingdoms, Evolution, Imperial, Coup, Condottiere, The Resistance, Sheriff of Nottingham, Telestrations, Monster Fox, Flash Point, Nigeria Falls, I'm The Boss, Citadels, Panic Station, Fake Artist, Avalon, Eat Me If You Can!, Ugly Dolls...
Whew... that was a mouthful. And this is counting only those I can remember.
Perhaps one of these days I'll do a short write-up on them. So far, my favourite kind of games the deception and more light-hearted 'brainless' party games. I don't mind some simple economic games, but no more heavy resource management worker placement please (exception being Three Kingdoms).
Asides from the games, there are also many entertaining and friendly people you get to meet - a cosplaying game master who comes equipped with 'background music' and various props really adds to the atmosphere. There are master-negotiators and entertainers, hardcore enthusiasts who enjoy 5+ hours games and casual ones who prefers party games, from 5 to 50 years old.
There's also a very cute dog that one of the player brings along sometimes!
---
2) Missing Person
I have been deliberately skipping meetings with a certain group these days, and I guess some of them are wondering why. Or perhaps they do not care.
Anyway, 3 reasons. I want to avoid certain people, I want to "cold turkey" myself, and I want to completely eliminate any reasons (verbal, emotional, etc) I can give myself to "back out". I have made up my mind and this will not change.
---
3) Tough Decision
I had to make one tough decision in May when I had to reject an "old acquaintance".
Trust me, it was not easy saying 'no' to something you were initially so enthusiastic about, especially when there exists so many "push factors". I took 2 weeks to consider, consulting many friends, family and eventually following my heart & brain.
It was just not worth it - it felt like too big of a risk.
I would be lowering almost every aspect of what I enjoy right now (time, energy, money, flexibility, certainty), in exchange for the POSSIBILITY of greater satisfaction, and MAYBE better benefits down the line. It just doesn't feel right to me.
Regardless, it is all over now, and it's back to the drawing board.
Afternote: There were some good news after I made the decision, which makes me want to believe it is the correct one. The answer would not be revealed until later next month.
---
4) Debt In Modern Society
Came across an article where Singaporeans are lining up at car showrooms after loans policy were relaxed from 5 to 7 years.
My thoughts: If you are "able to afford" a car just because you can now pay it over 2 extra years, then you CAN'T afford the car in the first place. WHY are people getting themselves into debt for 'wants'?!
I can never understand why people want to take loans and credits for liabilities. The only loan I agree with taking would be a mortgage, but even then only at a level that is reasonable.
My policy is to pay it upfront in its entirety. If you have to pay by installments, you shouldn't buy it. If you have to loan money for it, you can't afford it. Period.
Taking on debts have become so common that everyone is expect to. If you don't have the money, don't buy it.
---
5) Health & Fitness
I'm getting older and I think my muscles & bones are getting more fragile.
I went for a short FIVE minutes run on one weekday night, and 2 days later my kneecap was swollen and hurts like hell when I walk. Went to see the doctor who told me I injured knee ligament, likely due to lack of warmup and after long periods of inactivity.
Haiz... Lesson Learnt: Always do your warmups.
---
6) Entertainment Series
More like a self reminder posts of the variety shows and dramas I must keep up with, LOL.
1) 天才冲冲冲 + 封神无双 (Every weekend)
2) Korean Drama Genius
3) Aside from regular ones (Trump's Hearthstone, REACT channel), I've become addicted to these series recently: Jessie Cox's Strange Life, TB's Secret Hitler, Table Top
---
7) Mayday Concert!
Secured a VIP seat to their concert thanks to "jiejie"! This is the first concert I am attending in 3 years (the previous one being theirs too)! And I can't freaking wait!!!
---
8) 'Milestones' Battle
An eye opening and experience gaining battle. This was one of my earlier battles but unfortunately I really flunk on some of the SQL.
---
9) Books
List of various books that I somehow come across, either through blog posts or articles that I might want to read in the future.
Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters
Portfolios of the Poor
Thursday, March 31, 2016
RWS Staycation
I went to RWS Casino for the first time in like 2+ years today! If my
memory didn't fail me, this is my third time into our local casino.
The first in Jan 2012, second time in Aug 2013, and today in Mar 2016.
Why: Let's just say I was offered a night stay at an extremely luxurious hotel room at Sentosa, completed with steam bath facilities. On top of that, I just felt like getting away from work for a couple of days. And what can you possibly do there if you don't go into the casino, right?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Obviously, I have done my "homework" prior to going there - reading up on game rules, consulting my "ex-croupier NS mate", finding out which games have the lowest house edge.
Let's be upfront here - there is no game in that place where you can have a positive ROI. To me, it's purely entertainment. Set a fixed amount of entertainment expenses (play the game with the lowest house edge, so that you can play for a long time), any win is purely bonus.
The best one stills goes to Blackjack - where you can lower the house advantage to below 1% if you play correctly. With 'a bit of luck', I was able tip the scales slightly to walk out a small winner (on top of earning back the levy).
My most shocking observation was how many people were playing HORRENDOUSLY, yet still think they are right. I can't even describe the atrocious mistakes they were making mathematically. They boost that they've been playing for years, and I cannot imagine how much money they have thrown to the casino by making such mistakes over and over. RWS need such people to survive I guess. I just pity those old aunties and uncles who are just wasting their 'blood sweat' money on these.
Examples include:
1. Betting on sidebets with terrible odds like "Perfect Pairs".
2. Surrendering when they have 12, 6, 7 and all sort of reasonable hands against a dealer 8, 9, T. Their logic is if I got a 6, I will bust very easily against a dealer 8.
2. Failing to 'hit' their 12-16 against a dealer showing 7 or greater. This is one of the most common beginner mistake.
3. Failing to take advantage of hands where they have the greatest odds of winning. A huge part of blackjack comes from getting as much value as possible from these hands - that includes doubling down and splitting when the dealer has a weak up-card (6, 5, 4, sometimes 3 and 2). I have seen so many cases of people giving up their 'double' chance in such situation. How I wish I could play their hands for them.
AND GUESS WHAT?!
There is no rule saying you can't refer to "basic blackjack strategy" while seated at the table!!!
All along I just refer to the chart for the more difficult cases (like whether to double up for Ax hands).
Seriously, if you want a 'chance' against the casino, at least do a bit of homework. Not rely blindly on gut-feel and luck.
The first in Jan 2012, second time in Aug 2013, and today in Mar 2016.
Why: Let's just say I was offered a night stay at an extremely luxurious hotel room at Sentosa, completed with steam bath facilities. On top of that, I just felt like getting away from work for a couple of days. And what can you possibly do there if you don't go into the casino, right?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Obviously, I have done my "homework" prior to going there - reading up on game rules, consulting my "ex-croupier NS mate", finding out which games have the lowest house edge.
Let's be upfront here - there is no game in that place where you can have a positive ROI. To me, it's purely entertainment. Set a fixed amount of entertainment expenses (play the game with the lowest house edge, so that you can play for a long time), any win is purely bonus.
The best one stills goes to Blackjack - where you can lower the house advantage to below 1% if you play correctly. With 'a bit of luck', I was able tip the scales slightly to walk out a small winner (on top of earning back the levy).
My most shocking observation was how many people were playing HORRENDOUSLY, yet still think they are right. I can't even describe the atrocious mistakes they were making mathematically. They boost that they've been playing for years, and I cannot imagine how much money they have thrown to the casino by making such mistakes over and over. RWS need such people to survive I guess. I just pity those old aunties and uncles who are just wasting their 'blood sweat' money on these.
Examples include:
1. Betting on sidebets with terrible odds like "Perfect Pairs".
2. Surrendering when they have 12, 6, 7 and all sort of reasonable hands against a dealer 8, 9, T. Their logic is if I got a 6, I will bust very easily against a dealer 8.
2. Failing to 'hit' their 12-16 against a dealer showing 7 or greater. This is one of the most common beginner mistake.
3. Failing to take advantage of hands where they have the greatest odds of winning. A huge part of blackjack comes from getting as much value as possible from these hands - that includes doubling down and splitting when the dealer has a weak up-card (6, 5, 4, sometimes 3 and 2). I have seen so many cases of people giving up their 'double' chance in such situation. How I wish I could play their hands for them.
AND GUESS WHAT?!
There is no rule saying you can't refer to "basic blackjack strategy" while seated at the table!!!
All along I just refer to the chart for the more difficult cases (like whether to double up for Ax hands).
Seriously, if you want a 'chance' against the casino, at least do a bit of homework. Not rely blindly on gut-feel and luck.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Year In Review 2015
Career
- Completing my 4th major project. It wasn't really in my field of interest, but that will have to do for now.
- Attended lot of courses and got 2 data science related certifications! The EMC one was something I really wanted to learn.
- Lot of ups and downs that I don't want to revisit again.
Financial
- This will be covered in detail in separate posts.
Health/Fitness
- I had to take RT for the first time in my life due failing their old system and their inflexibility during the switch. It's actuallly a good way to earn some "side income". Haha.
- Regardless, I managed to pass the new system quite easily!
- Physically fine, emotionally not so well. I need to learn to handle them better.
Relationship
- Don't want to talk about negative things again, so...
- Got closer with my niece and nephews! I think it's not bad hanging out with "young people".
- Joined a board-game "meet-up" group. Attended 2 sessions so far and had loads of fun! I foresee myself becoming a regular in the coming year.
Others
Major Games Played: Hearthstone (reached Legend!), League of Legends Season 5 World Championship (Return of SKT to the throne), Heroes of the Storm, Plague Inc Evolved, Board Games!
Major Dramas Watched: -
Best Let's Play/Youtube: Until Dawn, Adam Ruins Everything
Best Movies: Jurassic World, 我的少女时代, Star Wars Episode 7
Monday, November 23, 2015
Building My Tenacity Closing Chapter
This will be my final post to sum up this period of my life. It's time to get over it and close this chapter for good.
When the battle failed in October and I received news of the somewhat 'good' record in the current place, I think I have leaned towards staying behind. It was a decision separated by a very thin line, and it really is a gamble either way. I will not know the consequences (good or bad) of this decision until far in the future.
There were multiple push and pull factors, but the major ones:
L - I really do not know how to evaluate you. I get mixed signals all the time. I have reflected my concerns, and I don't seem to get any response. You claim you want people to tell the truth, yet you prefer "politically correct" answers. I don't understand anymore. From now on, I will keep things to myself and work on self-improvement instead of vexing over things out of my control.
C - Was my most trusted confidante whom I shared everything with, but I don't know what changed. Regardless, it seems that you do not care at all. Fine by me. I have lost enough sleep over it.
TM - I really do not know. I hope they changed for the better.
W - Major push factor. Not my area at all. No interest. Not something I want to pursue, but was forced to. Fine.
B - Push factor. It opened my eyes to how far I am drifting behind. However, do I really want to "take a step backwards"?
A - Major major push factor, and the most conflicting one standing toe to toe with G. One day, this will be taken away. And hopefully I will not be here when it happens.
G - The most important pulling factor, perhaps the only one strong enough for me to withheld my decision (for a few months).
EMC - This supplemented G to cement my decision. Since I have made my mind, I should stick with it regardless of result. And I should make the best use of it to expand my knowledge.
When the battle failed in October and I received news of the somewhat 'good' record in the current place, I think I have leaned towards staying behind. It was a decision separated by a very thin line, and it really is a gamble either way. I will not know the consequences (good or bad) of this decision until far in the future.
There were multiple push and pull factors, but the major ones:
L - I really do not know how to evaluate you. I get mixed signals all the time. I have reflected my concerns, and I don't seem to get any response. You claim you want people to tell the truth, yet you prefer "politically correct" answers. I don't understand anymore. From now on, I will keep things to myself and work on self-improvement instead of vexing over things out of my control.
C - Was my most trusted confidante whom I shared everything with, but I don't know what changed. Regardless, it seems that you do not care at all. Fine by me. I have lost enough sleep over it.
TM - I really do not know. I hope they changed for the better.
W - Major push factor. Not my area at all. No interest. Not something I want to pursue, but was forced to. Fine.
B - Push factor. It opened my eyes to how far I am drifting behind. However, do I really want to "take a step backwards"?
A - Major major push factor, and the most conflicting one standing toe to toe with G. One day, this will be taken away. And hopefully I will not be here when it happens.
G - The most important pulling factor, perhaps the only one strong enough for me to withheld my decision (for a few months).
EMC - This supplemented G to cement my decision. Since I have made my mind, I should stick with it regardless of result. And I should make the best use of it to expand my knowledge.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Fight For What You Want!
No one will care about your ideologies, passion, dreams and future more than you do.
If you hate your job, take action to hunt for a better one. Update your resume, make that connection, reply to that head-hunter.
If you want something to happen, take action to make that phone call. Send that email. "Bombard" the relevant people.
We've grown up now, and things doesn't take care of itself anymore (or more like your parents doesn't take care of it anymore).
Passively waiting for things to happen no longer works in the corporate world. Everyone is like busy with their own lives. They say they'll get back but they don't. They say they'll do this and they don't.
When things important to you doesn't move, you can only depend on yourself to push things forward. Amid the negativity and bad things going on, I am glad I still managed to carve out a bloody path for myself.
Friday, November 20, 2015
The Most Difficult Times of My Life
As far as I can remember, there were 3 extremely difficult period in my life - some of the lowest point of my life. They are:
End 2006
The dreaded Island of Darkness. It's easy to look back at it now and shrug it off, but it was REALLY depressing at that point of time, and it felt like it would never end.
I think it's something many can relate to, but it was especially worse for me. It was physically, mentally and spiritually draining. It was depressing when you think of going back to the terrible place.
And this is still something I detest to this date.
Sometime Around 2009 - 2010
This was really a crisis period to me.
I felt like I was going crazy. I was very emotional, overly-sensitive, have random spurts of sadness and some crazy mood swings. I went back to look at some of the stuff I wrote during that period, and yeah, it was hilarious looking at it now.
But trust me, it was scary back then. Really scary.
To put it simply, it can be summarized with this post.
Mid 2015 Till Now
I already had that sense of de-javu back at the beginning of the year.
I think somehow, the cells in my body were already warning me in advance: "Hey, this is something you've experienced before. Something really bad."
I should have done something back then, but hindsight is 20/20. I continued my foolish ways.
And then it crashes hard onto me during the middle of the year.
Almost the same exact shit as 2009-2010 period again. What's worse this time round is having workplace problems compounding the agony.
To be honest, I really felt like throwing in the towel.
Just screw everything - but I held on.
Perseverance.
Everything I am enduring now is for the greater plan. For my future.
...
Thankfully, I've had some "prior experience", and hopefully, I'll be able to tide over this period faster.
So what have I learned from all these?
Time is the greatest healer.
No matter how bad the current circumstances are, it will come to pass.
And one day you will be able to look back upon it and laugh.
End 2006
The dreaded Island of Darkness. It's easy to look back at it now and shrug it off, but it was REALLY depressing at that point of time, and it felt like it would never end.
I think it's something many can relate to, but it was especially worse for me. It was physically, mentally and spiritually draining. It was depressing when you think of going back to the terrible place.
And this is still something I detest to this date.
Sometime Around 2009 - 2010
This was really a crisis period to me.
I felt like I was going crazy. I was very emotional, overly-sensitive, have random spurts of sadness and some crazy mood swings. I went back to look at some of the stuff I wrote during that period, and yeah, it was hilarious looking at it now.
But trust me, it was scary back then. Really scary.
To put it simply, it can be summarized with this post.
Mid 2015 Till Now
I already had that sense of de-javu back at the beginning of the year.
I think somehow, the cells in my body were already warning me in advance: "Hey, this is something you've experienced before. Something really bad."
I should have done something back then, but hindsight is 20/20. I continued my foolish ways.
And then it crashes hard onto me during the middle of the year.
Almost the same exact shit as 2009-2010 period again. What's worse this time round is having workplace problems compounding the agony.
To be honest, I really felt like throwing in the towel.
Just screw everything - but I held on.
Perseverance.
Everything I am enduring now is for the greater plan. For my future.
...
Thankfully, I've had some "prior experience", and hopefully, I'll be able to tide over this period faster.
So what have I learned from all these?
Time is the greatest healer.
No matter how bad the current circumstances are, it will come to pass.
And one day you will be able to look back upon it and laugh.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Low In Spirits, Down On Luck
Do you believe so? I encountered it today.
When you are in a bad state, you seem to attract negative things/energies to you.
And somehow, more bad things will happen.
Haiz...
Long story short: I was thrown into a pretty angry state by some remark. Almost wanted to just leave but somehow managed to "contain" my emotions. As I walked, I kept thinking about what happened, falling right into a drain in the dark.
No, I wasn't looking at my phone at all. I'm looking at the road, I saw myself walked right onto it but somehow it wasn't registering into my brain at all.
Sustain very minor scratches on myself, but the same can't be said for my phone.
It fell right on the carpark cement ground.
And a horrible crack now spread across the beautiful display. :(
When you are in a bad state, you seem to attract negative things/energies to you.
And somehow, more bad things will happen.
Haiz...
Long story short: I was thrown into a pretty angry state by some remark. Almost wanted to just leave but somehow managed to "contain" my emotions. As I walked, I kept thinking about what happened, falling right into a drain in the dark.
No, I wasn't looking at my phone at all. I'm looking at the road, I saw myself walked right onto it but somehow it wasn't registering into my brain at all.
Sustain very minor scratches on myself, but the same can't be said for my phone.
It fell right on the carpark cement ground.
And a horrible crack now spread across the beautiful display. :(
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
10 Years of Blogging!
Wow. I just realized I've been blogging for 10 freaking years!
It all started out with a simple post, and 不知不觉 I've been doing it for 10 years already!
Since then, I've written near 1200 posts - ranging from random garbage to very close and personal aspects about my life.
What a journey it has been, from the army stories of 2006 - 2008 to university life from 2008 to 2011 (actually documenting week by week for every semester!!!) .
I am really glad I took the effort to document these down. I'm sure they would be extremely enjoyable to look back at someday.
Granted, my efforts did died down after I started working. Isn't that sad? I think it happens to most of us. Your life starts becoming much less interesting, with more routine and mundane stuff, that we run out of things to blog about.We are all so preoccupied with work.
I hope that my passion for writing doesn't die down and I hope to continue to post, at least once in a while. I think my financial journey will be the "big story" for the next decade, haha.
...
Anyway, felt that I need a fresher and cleaner perspective.
To start anew.
So I decided to replace the blog theme with something more minimalist. I think the text are much easier to read and it just seems for refreshing to me.
Here's to commemorate the theme of the past 10 years.
It all started out with a simple post, and 不知不觉 I've been doing it for 10 years already!
Since then, I've written near 1200 posts - ranging from random garbage to very close and personal aspects about my life.
What a journey it has been, from the army stories of 2006 - 2008 to university life from 2008 to 2011 (actually documenting week by week for every semester!!!) .
I am really glad I took the effort to document these down. I'm sure they would be extremely enjoyable to look back at someday.
Granted, my efforts did died down after I started working. Isn't that sad? I think it happens to most of us. Your life starts becoming much less interesting, with more routine and mundane stuff, that we run out of things to blog about.We are all so preoccupied with work.
I hope that my passion for writing doesn't die down and I hope to continue to post, at least once in a while. I think my financial journey will be the "big story" for the next decade, haha.
...
Anyway, felt that I need a fresher and cleaner perspective.
To start anew.
So I decided to replace the blog theme with something more minimalist. I think the text are much easier to read and it just seems for refreshing to me.
Here's to commemorate the theme of the past 10 years.
Wednesday, November 04, 2015
Reflections
(有很多事，还是用话语来写比较贴切）
一年即将来到尾声。。。今年我还真的发生很多风风雨雨，尤其是在‘人事’反面。我想我对生活感到厌倦的原因，人事应该占了大幅度吧。而它也直接带给我各方面的烦恼和问题。
。。。
忽冷忽热，到我以为我们变好，到冷战又重圆，接着又恶性循环。我真的累了。我想我已经尽了我最大的努力和本分。当你的努力一而再，再而三的得到对方的冷言冷语，人真的会放弃的。我也不想再为这件事所困扰了，因为我已度过了无数个失眠的夜晚，无数的低潮，无数的伤感。
。。。
有些你知道没有结果的事，你是否应该继续放感情，放时间，放心思去经营？这样做是笨还是傻？
情感的事真的是没有理由的。这一年，我深切的感受到好多，真真的体会到什么叫‘触景伤情’，什么叫‘景物依旧，人事已非’。当你一个人回到某个地方，想着上次你的身边有着谁的时候。那种感觉真的很心酸。
我希望这是最后一次。
。。。
其实现在我对这些没什么奢望了。
我必须重新振作，不能再淹没在这些负面的情绪当中。
为自己的目标而勇敢的努力吧。
一年即将来到尾声。。。今年我还真的发生很多风风雨雨，尤其是在‘人事’反面。我想我对生活感到厌倦的原因，人事应该占了大幅度吧。而它也直接带给我各方面的烦恼和问题。
。。。
忽冷忽热，到我以为我们变好，到冷战又重圆，接着又恶性循环。我真的累了。我想我已经尽了我最大的努力和本分。当你的努力一而再，再而三的得到对方的冷言冷语，人真的会放弃的。我也不想再为这件事所困扰了，因为我已度过了无数个失眠的夜晚，无数的低潮，无数的伤感。
。。。
有些你知道没有结果的事，你是否应该继续放感情，放时间，放心思去经营？这样做是笨还是傻？
情感的事真的是没有理由的。这一年，我深切的感受到好多，真真的体会到什么叫‘触景伤情’，什么叫‘景物依旧，人事已非’。当你一个人回到某个地方，想着上次你的身边有着谁的时候。那种感觉真的很心酸。
我希望这是最后一次。
。。。
其实现在我对这些没什么奢望了。
我必须重新振作，不能再淹没在这些负面的情绪当中。
为自己的目标而勇敢的努力吧。
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Ultimate Tolerance
Seriously... I am so freaking sian already.
I have never been this sian in my life.
The only thing keeping me going is my 10-year master plan.
I must endure.
I must suffer.
I mustn't throw in the towel despite all the challenges.
The more I am subjected to such pain and humilation, the more I am determined to not go through this in the future.
And that is why I must suffer now for my future self.
I must endure now to save up as much ammo as possible, to accelerate my path out of this mindless pursuit.
I must.
I have never been this sian in my life.
The only thing keeping me going is my 10-year master plan.
I must endure.
I must suffer.
I mustn't throw in the towel despite all the challenges.
The more I am subjected to such pain and humilation, the more I am determined to not go through this in the future.
And that is why I must suffer now for my future self.
I must endure now to save up as much ammo as possible, to accelerate my path out of this mindless pursuit.
I must.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
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