Rationalizing Affairs of the Heart

Although this is still painful, I am grateful for this experience - the pain is short term but the lessons learnt are lifetime. I feel that in the long term I would be a much better person because of it. Someone who is more observant and more initiative.

That aisde, my friend have helped a lot in rationalizing all this, and after thinking about it, I have also come to my own reasons to get over this.

And I think it is super important to write this down, to help me get over it now and to remind me of it in the future.

Now, if I really want to stop our friendship forever and cut off all contact, I would rationalize this whole event with the most negative things about that person, like:

1. Fickle-minded
2. Trying to lead people / laying a trap with false signals
3. Attention-seeking / enjoy the feeling of being pursue by many people
4. Something much worser that I cannot even bring myself to write it here (who would do something like that?)

Now, I do not like to think the worst of people, and I genuinely think she is not somone like that (at least at this point of time).

Even I am confused about what I am feeing, what more someone who is so young? So, I prefer to rationalize it as:

1. She is confused about her own feelings (towards me and others)
2. She is immature / trying to fill some kind of void in her life.
3. She legitly felt obliged to keep to her word.

...

Ultimately, does it really matter?

Action speaks louder than words. She may say one thing. She may keep crying. She may say she regret things and claim she has more feeling for you.

But no matter what was said, the choice she made in the end speaks for everything. 

It does not matter how much a person say she likes you. The fact that she did not choose you in the end already says everything.

At worst, the feeling wasn't there in the first place (and she is all the type of person described above). At best, the feeling wasn't strong enough for her to choose you.

So, what more is there to hold on to?

:)

I felt much better after writing this post.